Archive | March, 2012

Away I Go

22 Mar

At long last, all the waiting and wanting and yearning and longing is finally paying off. I’m off to Italy for ten days (well, nine, seeing as 24 hours will be devoted to being on a plane). The taxi just dropped us off at the airport. I guess this is me signing off until I’m back in the ol’ US of A.

As the great Charles Muntz once said: “Adventure is out there.”

Time for me to have an adventure.


Twenty Hours Until I Blow This Popsicle Stand

21 Mar

I’ve got two finals tomorrow I have yet to study for and a lot of packing left to do.

No time, no time, no time.

Three days until take off

20 Mar

I’m having a really difficult time deciding which three books out of these five to bring with me on my trip to Italy.

  • The Perks of Being a Wallflower
  • The Descendants
  • Paper Towns
  • Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
  • Bossypants

First world problem, right? But I honestly can’t choose. They all look/sound so good.

A Sleeper’s Lament

19 Mar

I’m suffering from lack of sleep right now.

It’s the kind of lack of sleep where your head constantly keeps drooping down to your left shoulder, floundering for something to rest itself upon, and you can barely keep your eyes open and you probably wouldn’t be able to at all if it weren’t for the clacking of keys as your roommate types on his desktop on the opposite side of the room, and your mind keeps wandering off and thinking about things like spring break and chicken wings and how green your cat’s eyes are and how comfortable your pillow would be right now, which is no good because you should be focusing on the ten page literary analysis paper in front of you that is due in fourteen hours because you wrote way too much and you have to find some way to condense it down, but you don’t want to condense it down, you think it is perfect as it is, but you have to, you have to, you have to, and, Jesus, when did it become eleven o’clock?

Man. I miss sleep.

Face Time

18 Mar

This is a face.

It’s a good face. Not great or fantastic or overwhelmingly gorgeous, but good. It’s somewhat pleasant to look upon and even makes amusing expressions at times. It gets the job done and doesn’t seem to send people shrieking in the other direction. It’s a face that smiles often, especially when surrounded by wondrous, fabulous people whom it loves. It’s a face that loves to laugh. It’s also a face that cries, well, much more often than it really should. This doesn’t mean that it’s a particularly depressed face, mind you, it’s just sort of overtly emotional. It cries at happy occasions, sad occasions, movie scenes both happy and sad (especially when they involve animals), and sometimes even State Farm commercials. It’s a sensitive face. It showcases quite a bit of emotion quite a lot of the time. Another face once told this face, “It’s easy to read you. The emotion’s always there.” This face can hide certain emotions when need be, but, usually, it’s quite open about how it feels. It’s a face that tries to not be afraid to be itself.

This also happens to be a face that knows heartbreak. It’s a face that is used to getting its heart broken by either rejection or by being let down. It’s a face that’s never known love – or, rather, what it’s like to be in love – and is skeptical of when that is finally going to happen. And, almost one whole year ago, this face had its heart trampled upon in the worst possible way. It fell for another face it was seeing and, in the end, that other face did not want it. After that, it closed up. It told its heart “take a hike”, which is something it’s never done before. This face in the past has been the face that always has a crush on some other face. It’s quite the romantic, but it hasn’t been that way for a long time now. In the past year this face shut out date opportunities, possible suitors, and anyone that seemed remotely interested in it. It thought to itself, “Why bother? I know how it’ll end.” This face grew tired of being hurt. It just wanted to stop trying.

But as of late this face has been having some long conversations with its heart. Its heart has reminded it how great it feels to be kissed, how wonderful it once was to be gazed upon with dreamy emotion, and how lovely it is to wake up with a smile each and every morning. So, maybe this face hasn’t thrown the towel in. Not just yet. It’s been slowly opening up more and more as the months go by. It hasn’t necessarily put itself back out there just yet, but maybe it’d like to. Maybe it’d like to give romance another go; that is, if the world will let it.

While this may all be true, it’s also worth mentioning that I am more than just a face. I’m no woman or lady; I’m just a girl who’s trying to find her place in the world. I will always be that utter romantic at heart, daydreaming of being serenaded or given love poetry or that some hunky guy (*cough*JASONSEGEL*cough*) will whisk me away to Disneyland, even though it’s doubtful I’ll ever find a guy who’ll meet those expectations. But even though I have my extremely high, unattainable expectations, I’m hoping that, maybe someday, I’ll find that guy who will make me throw all my expectations out the window because he’ll complete me just as he is. And then there will be internal fireworks and unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Yeah. I’d like that.

But I am still twenty-one. I’ve got plenty of time.

Now, if you don’t mind, there’s a (cute) guy who wants to talk Muppets with me online and I’m not about to pass that up.

More proof that I am the most AWKWARD human ever

17 Mar

It’s another awkward story that takes place at work.

The motel closes at 10pm every night, so when people have yet to check in I call them a half hour beforehand to let them know our policy about late check ins. And there was one tonight which is usually, y’know, not a big deal. Except I know this name. It is the name of an actor who used to perform over at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival here in Ashland, and I may or may not have had a massive crush on him a couple years ago. So, I pick up the courage and give him a call, and am relieved when it goes to voice mail. I ten proceeded to leave the most awkward message of my life. It included a lot of “um”s, ridiculously long pauses, repeating information, and, oh god, it was just bad. I ended the message by saying, “So that’s that and I hope everything… is… fine… Goodbye.”

But the message has been left and I’m calming down, since I wont have to interact with him and make an even bigger fool of myself. Then the phone rings. It’s him, of course, and he’s about five minutes away. I then get to be even more ridiculously awkward via the phone, which he didn’t seem to notice. Thank goodness.

Five minutes later he comes into the office and, oh god, he’s even more gorgeous than I remembered (y’know, I wasn’t gonna identify him, but here’s a picture. He’s done some TV/movies as well as theatre). It only then occurs to me that my hair is atrocious from going to the gym, I’m wearing no make up, and I’m wearing my dorky Doctor Who T-shirt. So I then get to check him in while diverting my gaze the entire time. After he was all checked in I then got to bury my face in my hands and commend myself for sinking to new lows of awkwardness.


Proof that I am the most awkward human being ever.

16 Mar

So, I’m at work, right? And I was just at the gym beforehand so I’m still in my shorts, because I haven’t gotten a chance to change yet, and it starts getting colder so I decide to put my jeans on over my shorts. Now, I’m a lazy fuck, so after a moment I decide, “Meh, no need to go to the bathroom. I’ll just put them on here in the office. It’s no big deal.” Right as I am proceeding to pull one pant leg on a guy walks into the office, rearing to ask me a question, and when he sees the scene going on before him he instantly becomes embarrassed. It takes me a moment to realize he thinks I’m pants-less, even though I’m obviously wearing shorts, because that’s really what looks like is happening. There were a lot of “Oh”s and “I’m so sorry”s on his part, and a whole lot of “No!”s and “It’s fine!”s on my part. Finally, when it looks like he’s going to make his way for the door due to intense awkwardness, I practically yell:

“It’s totally okay! I’m already wearing pants! I’m just putting pants on over my pants!”

Yes. I said this. At work.

I then awkwardly got to tell him the password for the motel’s wifi while only halfway in my jeans, and then he left, laughing. Needless to say, I put the rest of my pants on in the bathroom.

Lesson learned.

Friendship is Thicker than Blood

15 Mar

Sometimes you have to forgo homework, showering, sleep, and everything else you usually hold as a top priority when it comes to the name of friendship.

My time in college, especially the last couple years, it has come to my attention that I’m not an overtly spontaneous person. I like routine and plans are better when made in advanced. I’m up for an impromptu hang out or adventure once every blue moon, but normally I’m too much of a curmudgeon when asked to do something on the fly (which probably explains why I don’t get asked to do stuff at the last minute quite as much as I used to). However, when a friend really needs a shoulder to lean on? Goddamnit, I will be there. I don’t care if I’ve got papers to work on, I smell awful from lack of bathing, and I need to be up super early the next day. The thing I’ve always drawn most pride of all my personal qualities is how great of a friend I am. I am humble about every other one of my qualities, but when it comes to friendship I do not shy away from saying that I am a stellar friend. I am one of the least judgmental people I have ever known, and also one of the most understanding. I’m a top notch listener, a really great person to bounce ideas off of, I have a lot of practice at listening to the venting of friends, and I’m present.

So, this is something I go above and beyond for. Friendship will always hold number one priority in my heart of hearts.

Always The Worrier.

14 Mar

I’ve had a pretty consistent pain in my chest for about the last week or so. It’s only in one specific place – a little to the right of the middle part of my chest – and it hasn’t gone away since it first appeared. At first I thought it was congestion from feeling under the weather, and then I thought maybe I pulled something. After it didn’t go away a few days later I started to panic. My dad’s side of the family has a history of strokes, heart issues, and the like. This has always worried me. It’s the reason I started exercising a couple years back and why I (try to) eat healthily. So, today I made myself go to the Health and Wellness center on campus to find out what’s wrong. I saw one nurse, and then she asked me to come back at a specific time to talk to one of the on campus doctors. So I left, had a pleasant meeting with a teacher, and then came back. The doctor, a really nice woman, ran the same exact tests and asked the same exact questions. As she was about to give me the answer to what was wrong with me, I prepared myself for the worst. The diagnosis?



Apparently I’ve been experiencing some chest wall pain and due to stress my body’s been taking it out on me. The doctor told me this is sort of akin to having the tension well up in your back and having back pain. Her recommendation was to maybe go see someone who can maneuver/massage my body in order to speed up the healing process, or else just take some ibuprofen each day (which reminds me, I should probably go do that…).

In short, I’m glad that I’m not suffering from heart failure or anything like that, but damn, this just gives me even more incentive to want to be graduated. I’m tired of all this stress. I just wanna get out there and live my life, y’know?

Just a year and three months to go.

Lazy, Lazy, Lazy.

12 Mar

Well I’ve officially hit that spot of the term. That spot I’ve dubbed the ‘I-don’t-wanna-do-homework-or-study-or-go-to-school-so-I’m-just-gonna-watch-a-ton-of-TV-and-ignore-responsibilites’ funk. Granted, I always get all my homework done on time even so, I just get… lazier about it. My procrastination triples. I don’t have anything due tomorrow, but I should probably be working on one of my many projects due this week and next week. I just really can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve got a bad case of the senioritis.

Spring break, where art thou?