last night revelation.

20 Oct

Last night I was walking home from work; hands shoved deep inside my coat pockets and head bowed low. As I walked, drenched in rain drops and soaked in frigid night air, I began to review all the kisses I’ve ever had. I do this sometimes, when my mind lacks substance to think upon. I thought about every single kiss.

The drunk kisses. The stage kisses. The screen kisses. The friend kisses. The real kisses.

Then, at the end of the list of lips I’ve ever encountered, I came to yours. Your kiss. As I thought long and hard about all the shit I went through when it came to me and you, I began to think how your kiss was the one that changed everything. How yours was the first kiss that made me believe that there is more to life. How your kiss was the first that ever made me see fireworks. How your kiss was the first that ever left me wanting something more.

How could I still be mad at the boy who made me a believer?

And that’s when I stopped dead in my tracks. I stood there in the middle of the sidewalk, allowing the rain to pelt my shoulders and hair, not even wondering if the cars passing by were curious as to why I was frozen in place. I did not wonder because my mind was preoccupied. I was in awe. I was in shock. Yes, my mind was reeling because I had come upon a sudden realization:

I am ready to forgive.

Maybe it’s because I saw you today. Maybe it’s because it’s been a year and five months since it all crumbled into nothing. Maybe it’s because I finally feel ready to be in a relationship again. Maybe it’s because I thought the Mountain Goats song blaring on my iPod was a sign that it was time.

So there it is.

It is time to forgive.

It is time to move on.

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