An Accurate Depiction of What it’s Like to Read the Series of Unfortunate Events books.

21 Oct

Poe: You’re totes gonna be safe with this new relative.

Me: Based on everything that’s happened so far, why would you assume that?

Relative: You kids are obviously dumb for thinking that this person who has recently become apart of our lives under some pretty sketch circumstances is Count Olaf.

Me: Um. No. Shut up.

Olaf: I’m so gonna win this time.

Me: Yeah, see, there are more books in the series, so I seriously doubt that.

Poe: Yeah, that’s obviously not Count Olaf in disguise.

Me: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

The Baudelaires: We have friends now! Nothing can go wrong!

Me: DON’T SAY THAT.

Relative: Well allowing this stranger I’ve just met to adopt you in the case of my death/lack of interest in you/you get expelled/etc. makes perfect sense.

Me: OH MY GOD.

The Baudelaires: Look at those people doing sketchy things. Good thing they’re not any of Count Olaf’s associates.

Me: ARE YOU BLIND.

Poe: Nope. We can’t run after Olaf. It’s too dangerous.

Me: STOP.

The Baudelaires: Hmmm, I wonder why there’s a secret tunnel under our house which was mysteriously burnt down before we had to go live with Count Olaf. Oh well. Not important.

Me: NO.

The Baudelaires: Oh, don’t worry about giving us this important piece of information. You can just give it to us later because nothing’s gonna go wrong.

Me: I GIVE UP.

Snicket: I’m going to keep referencing Beatrice and then NOT TELL YOU ANYTHING.

Me: FFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKK

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