Archive | February, 2013

maternity poetry.

28 Feb

Last night we raved about each other’s poetry to one another.
You told me how wonderfully I worded my pieces,
and how the performance put amazing
emphasis on just the right parts.
I applauded your use of imagery and detail,
the thing my poetry lacks most,
and how beautiful your words were when they came together.
All the while both of us seemed to avoid
the fact that
my poem had been about someday bringing life
into this world
and your poem was about how you
can’t.

a quick update on my life.

22 Feb

Stress

Stress has really decreased as of late. Two weeks ago I was having multiple stress breakdowns, mostly having to do with school, and you might remember this picture I posted not too long ago. Well things are better now. There’s still a lot to do, but I’m handling it well. Or, at least, better than before. I’m finding ways to relax. Movie nights with Beckah have become somewhat frequent (and we went swimming at the Y yesterday, which was awesome). I’ve started reading more (finally making my way through Storm of Swords) and catching up on TV shows. The RPG is probably the biggest help, as it’s just such a nice creative outlet and a wonderful place to escape at days end (even if I don’t have anything to respond to, I just love talking to the gals on there). Again, there’s still a lot to do for school, namely with Capstone and my Grant Writing class, but I’ll live.

Hair

We’re at the point where every other day I hate my hair, and then every other day I love it. I want to grow it out so badly, but I think it’s about time I make a return trip to the hair saloon. Just to get it evened out. Thank goodness for curls, otherwise the world would know I’m currently sporting a mullet.

William Kircher

The actor who plays Bifur in The Hobbit responded to my fan letter. I figured I’d just get some pre-signed letters in the mail, but he actually sat down and wrote a legitimate response to my letter. I’m so touched that he took the time to do so. Not many actors would. I’m also fairly certain he stalked me down on Facebook at some point, which is kind of awesome.

Coffee

So, as you might remember (though you probably don’t) I posted several weeks ago about my over dependence on coffee and how it was getting to be quite a problem. I was having a cup a day, and two on four of the seven days a week. Well, I’m pleased to report I’m making strides in amending this. I’m back to only have one coffee a day on the days where I was drinking two cups (ie. early work days), and on Saturday’s I have no coffee. My Mon-Wed-Fri morning babysitting gig just finally came to a close, so I’m hoping, since I’ll now get to sleep in later on those days, not to drink coffee at all. Most importantly, I feel like I can get through the day without depending on the stuff. Go me!

New Zealand

I just want to be there right now. Honestly, that’s all I really want. Dump school, pack bags, and just go. I know four months, in the grand scheme of things, isn’t that long of a wait, but I’m dying to get out of her and just take off.

Also, I am getting rather sick of people going, “Oh, cause of Lord of the Rings, right?” I mean, yeah, okay, I can’t deny that The Hobbit coming out didn’t in some way effect my choosing to go over there for a year, but it feels like a lot of people assume the Tolkien/Jackson films are the sole reason I’m going there. If only people took a look at the “list of things to do in New Zealand” I’ve been constructing. I think they’d be surprised to see how few Rings related things are on the list and the vast amount of other things I intend on doing while I’m there. (That being said, holy hell, I will fall to my knees and weep when I see the set of The Shire.)

no more.

17 Feb

I’m ready to take a four month naps.
Wake me when my senioritis is gone
and I’m being handed my diploma.

something’s coming.

13 Feb

I have a nervous twitch in the pit of my stomach today
and I have no fathomable idea as to why.
Nothing’s wrong, I’m not stressed for the
first time in weeks,
and there’s no deed coming my way to inspire
such anxiety.

Maybe this is some sort of premonition.
If that’s the case then
run for you life, boys,
because a shit storm is about to eat us all
alive.

five.

10 Feb

let me out
let me out
let me out

i’ve never been the type of girl
who shoves her face against a pillow’s front in
order to scream
for five minutes straight
due to the sheer amount of agonizing anxiety
she’s got wound up inside of
her
but today i became that girl
crocodile tears and all

wishing to be surrounded by sheep
to zorb, to run, to fall from the sky
to try something new for once
to seize this coward’s life and take a stab at bravery
deep in your heart, in your fields, in your greenery
i’m tired of this bullshit philosophizing
when i should be busy
coming to terms with what it means to be human

the moment that my visa went through
i knew i’d be useless
to this endless education

let me out
let me out
let me out

let me in
let me in
let me in

~~~~~~~~*~

This is a follow up to the poem six. My plan is to write one poem each month leading up to me taking off to New Zealand, each title counting down the months left until my departure. This one purposefully lacks capitalization/punctuation in a sort of act of rebellion against college.

boozin’ it up.

7 Feb

This is a picture I took of myself last night; on a Wednesday night when I should’ve been studying for a test and I was by myself, no less. So, I guess this school year is slowly turning me into an alcoholic. A grumpy, ‘don’t-want-this-shit’, ‘why-the-fuck-is-it-not-graduation-time?’ alcoholic.

Fuck you too, school.

((Also, will someone please explain to me why the entry I did on Matlida: The Musical over the summer has suddenly drawn in almost 2000+ views for the last month? Why is it suddenly so fracking popular?))

excuses excuses, i’m good at excuses.

3 Feb

I’m really disappointed about the lack of entries I’ve put on my wordpress since the start of the new year. I don’t want an entry per day or anything (I did that over the summer and it nearly killed me), but, y’know, a couple entries each week would be nice instead of just one. At the same time, it makes perfect sense why I’m being shitty at updating. My life is, shall we say, not exactly stress free right now.

  1. I’m working two part time jobs; one of which requires me to chase after a two year old for three hours three times a week, and the other (while there is a computer in front of me the entire time) I use to catch up on homework.
  2. I’m currently taking seven classes. Even though three of those classes only meet once a week, the cumulative work load is slowly suffocating me.
  3. I have almost literally nothing to write about on here except my sudden detestation of school, my lust for New Zealand, and how utterly exhausted I’ve become both physically and mentally.
  4. Okay. I’m not going to lie. Most of my free time, and creativity as a writer, is now is spent writing on a The Hobbit RPG web-site. Yeah. You heard me. I regret nothing.
  5. I had an art show, and it’s open now, so that’s one less thing to stress me out… however, hanging for light crew starts next weekend, so, y’know, long hours, having to be surrounded by freshmen, not getting to bed until 3am, yeah, that’s gonna be crap.
  6. Okay, #3 wasn’t entirely true. I do have some blog ideas saved up in the back of my mind (I really want to get around to writing a super long entry entitled “In Defense of Fan Fiction”), but they’d all take a long time to write and I, honestly, don’t have the time or energy. Blah.

It’s probably going to be like this for the next five or six weeks until the term finally ends. Only one or two entries each per week, most of which will be complaining about my lack of free time (I apologize in advance if I start to get annoying). There will probably be quite a lot of entries come spring, considering I’ll only be taking four classes and I’ll (without a doubt) have a horrid case of senioritis on my hands.

Okay, I have a pile of homework to tackle and I really need to get around to cleaning my room, but first I’ve got a phone date with my dad’s friend, Sarah, to ask her some questions about New Zealand (I know, one track mind much?).

JGask out.