four.

26 Mar

Excitement runs rampant,
while worry sets in.

None of that
“well maybe this is a bad idea”
“oh, I’ve changed my mind”
“what was I even thinking?”
bullshit you might expect
from another human being.

My worry stems from guilt.

A wedding for an old friend and his gal,
a possible class reunion filled with faces
I haven’t seen in years, and canceled
beach plans previously discussed.

Santa Con.
ER marathons.
Nancy Drew games.
San Diego Comic Con.
Breaking Bad big reveals.
Going out with Portland pals.
Bonding with baby half cousins.
Adventures to NYC to meet TPers.

And birthdays.
So many birthdays.

No Thanksgiving preparations,
for lack of family and lack of country.
No opening presents on Christmas morn,
decorating the trees, setting up the lights,
walking around Pioneer deep in search.

A year I should be spending with my father.
A year I should be bonding with my brother.
A year I should be reuniting with my family.

I’m terrified that my time there
will be all for naught
when there are a million other things
I could be doing with my year.

Please let this trip be worth it.

~~~~~*~

six || five || four

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2 Responses to “four.”

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  1. three | thegirlwholovesmuppets - April 21, 2013

    […] || five || four || […]

  2. two. | thegirlwholovesmuppets - June 1, 2013

    […] || five || four || three || […]

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