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Welcome to the future; and the future is terrifying.

2 Jan

The year? Twenty-twelve. The place? A little town called Ashland. The person? Myself.

Ah, but who am I?

Julia Gaskill, twenty-one years old, five feet & four inches tall, owner of a demon cat, double major in theater arts and creative writing, minor in photographer, and an all out geek. There’s more to me, obviously, which I suppose will begin to show the more I use this blog.

I decided to start this thing up as a sort of new years resolution. I know a person starting up a new blog as a resolution is a bit contrite, but as much of a cliché as it may be I really want to try this. I’ve never been good at keeping a diary and all my previous/present blogs are used mostly for obsessing over things I love. I’m not quite sure what this particular blog will be, but I do know that I want it to be a place where I can just write. I’m sure I’ll write about my days – when the day’s worth writing about – and also post my thoughts on things. Possibly share my writing? Write up movie reviews? Do some poetry? Who knows.

Oh. And I’m wordy. So. Yeah. Lots of words.

To start things off simply, I thought I’d talk about 2011, since it’s come and gone for all of us at this point.

This morning, as I was lying on my friend’s couch in that quiet moment before I realized I was forty-five minutes late to work, I was trying to quell the drumming on the left side of my brain, smelling of cheap wine, missing one earring, and trying to remember all that occurred the previous night. Looking back on this brief moment, I view it as a metaphor of sorts for this past year. 2011 was one giant hangover; it did not treat me well. I had more of my share of troubles, drama, and whatnot than I ever care to have in a lifetime.

It wasn’t all bad, I guess. For me, 2011 was the year of the following ten things:

10. Reading. I’ve always loved reading, but I’ve been reading a lot more recently since the summer.

9. Not just a small town girl. No, this has nothing to do with Journey (though I would agree that sometimes I do live in a lonely world). This entire year I’ve realized that I’ll never be able to settle down in a small town like the one I’m currently going to school in. As someone who was raised in a large town like Portland, I’m destined for a city with tall buildings, bustling sidewalks, car horns at three in the morning, a reliable transportation system, and a Starbucks on every street corner.

8. Disneyland. Went to Disneyland, fell back in love with it, and am now obsessed with the Disney parks. Enough said.

7. 365 Day Project. I started and finished a project where I took one picture every day for the entire year. I’m quite proud of this accomplishment

6. Turning 21. Oh yes. I’m now able to go out to drink instead of having to go to parties or sit at home if I want to get my drink on. I think I prefer going out, really. It’s a bit more expensive, but it’s so much more fun.

5. The “click”. This goes hand-in-hand with #6. Most people say they don’t notice a change when they turn twenty-one. Well I did. It’s the complete opposite of the “click” Brick in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof feels. After turning twenty-one I noticed a significant shift. I’ve started saying no to some parties. I don’t drink half as much as I used to. I go to sleep at midnight instead of two in the AM. Good grief, I think I’m getting old.

4. Tumblr. I’ve technically had/been using my tumblr since the summer of 2010, but I didn’t really get into it until this past March. Tumblr suddenly became my favorite thing on the internet. Oh how I love it.

3. Slam poetry. I’d really like to get more involved with this one. I’ve got six finished/memorized poems at this point, and I’m working on a few currently. There is no better feeling in the world than performing one of my poems to a receptive audience.

2. Heartbreak. It seems odd that “heartbreak” would land itself at number two, seeing as I’ve dealt with heartbreak probably ever year of my life since I was eleven; however, this year was different. This year the heartbreak had an actual impact on me. This one has defined me as a person and changed my view on relationships. It has made me weary, it has made me question life, and, most importantly, it has made me want to stay as far away from relationships as humanly possible. I won’t go into the details of what happened, but for a while it really broke me. I’ve picked the pieces up since, but at this moment in time I’m avoiding being romantically attached like the plague. I’m just done having guys walk all over me.

1. Muppets. So, this may not have been the best year of my life, but it did have its good. From cranky eagles to boomerang fish, from Jerry Nelson to Richard Hunt, from blundering gorgs to weirdos devouring tires set to classical musical, from the Electric Mayhem to Muppet Labs, from manly Muppets to Muppety men, from being green to rainbow connections, to a beautiful, wonderful, extraordinary man named Jim Henson. 2011 will, and forever always, be the year I refound the Muppets, and for that I am thankful beyond all repair.

So yes. That’s 2011 for me, in a nutshell. Basically.

That was the past though, which is thankfully gone, but the future? Well, seeing as it is New Years day (for twenty more minutes!), the future on this day is tied in so often with New Years resolutions. So I will share mine:

  • Start and maintain a blog. Check.
  • Exercise. Pretty straight forward.
  • Meet a Muppeteer. Also pretty straight forward. Also pretty unlikely.
  • Finish at least one screenplay. At least.
  • Write five slam poems.
  • Start selling things on eBay. I have so much junk (ie. old text books) to get rid of and could use the extra cash.
  • 365 day picture project. I’m hoping to do this project again, but actually keep up with posting my pictures to the internet. Also, maybe be more creative with my photographs? There were way too many of my cat.
  • 365 day book project. Similar to the above resolution. It’s a book that gives you a task to accomplish once a day. It’s mainly just silly things, so it should be fun.
  • Get a tattoo. And yes, it will be a Muppet tattoo.
  • Get an internship. Obviously this is not something I can entirely control, but I plan on applying to a lot of places this week and hopefully something will come through.
  • Get my driver’s license. This needs to fucking happen.
  • Read fifty books. It was originally “read one hundred books” but then I realized I was just setting myself up for failure.
  • Move on. I just want to stop moping about everything. I want to live life. I want to get out there. I want adventures and spontaneity and fun. I realize I wont quite achieve what I want with this just yet. Not until I graduate college, but I can at least get a start and get my life headed in the right direction.

I wont lie. I have some reservations about this year. Last year was pretty awful. How do I know this one wont be as well?

Well, last night I was sitting at work when the motel phone rang. It ended up being a high school kid who found my wallet, which I didn’t even know was missing. They brought it to me and stayed in the office until I was sure all my money and everything was there, and then he left. I’m hoping this is a sign that life is headed in a good direction and good things are coming  my way. Plus it was so nice to know there are people out there who are that kind. It gives me hope.

Most of all, I just want to get out of my shell. I’ve been so insecure as of late and I just don’t want that. I do not want that at all. Last night there was a moment where I was having a conversation with someone at the new years party I went to, and he told me he wouldn’t be surprised if in ten years from now I was doing remarkable thing. This took me completely off guard because it came from someone I’ve never been too close with, but really admire. If someone who I barely know can see something like that in me, well, why shouldn’t I?

So this year. This year is my year. This year I’m going to kick some ass and take no names. I’m going to hold my head high and be proud of everything that I am. I’m going to say “yes”. I’m going to get out and do things. I am going to be fearless. I am going to make an impact.

Here we go.