Tag Archives: anxiety

Relating to Tony Stark: Something I Didn’t Quite Expect.

6 May

This is going to be a very short ramble on a particular (and somewhat central) plot point of the new Iron Man 3 movie. I don’t really think anything I’m about to say is incredibly spoilery, seeing as this whole aspect is introduced fairly early on in the film and, when you really think about it, it shouldn’t be much of a surprise that it’s something the character of Tony Stark is going through. However, if you’re trying to keep any/all information about Iron Man 3 away until you finally see it, then yeah, close this browser tab now.

And let me make this clear that this is not a critique on the film either. Iron Man 3 had a lot of problems, and it certainly wasn’t perfect, nor my favorite of all the Marvel-Disney films. Even so, I happened to love it. I was hooked from the get go and it kept me enticed the entire time. It even managed to throw a couple curve balls I didn’t see coming (as much as I love the Marvel-Disney films, they’re pretty easy to predict, so it was nice to have a few twist and turns thrown my way). Anyway, that’s not what I want to focus on.

I’d like to touch very briefly on Tony Stark’s anxiety disorder in this film.

(Are you surprised? You shouldn’t be surprised.)

Can I just say how fucking nice it was to see a superhero plagued with something that I’ve been dealing with for this last month of my life? I mean, obviously Tony Stark has more viable reasons for having an anxiety disorder than just being stressed out about graduating college (ie. the whole wormhole deal in Avengers), but it just… it just made me feel a little less alone. Y’know? Especially because his anxiety seemed as physical as mine is, where is kind of takes over your whole body at a moment’s notice.

And it’s funny because, ten minutes into Iron Man 3, I started having a minor anxiety attack. Nothing major, but I was having a hard time breathing and there was a bit of light headedness going on. And then, a minute or so after I started in on my own anxiety, trying to calm myself without drawing attention from the friend I was with, Tony snapped the crayon. Then I watched as he raced outside, unable to breathe, in order to find out what was wrong with him, and the second that JARVIS told him it was anxiety I just wanted to cry. I don’t know how to explain it. There’s just something so comforting watching Tony’s journey throughout the film (despite the really quick, unfulfilling resolution at the end having to do with how he overcame it). Obviously my heart went out to him whenever he’d have an attack throughout the film, as I’ve come to know what that’s like. I’ve spent a lot of this last month feeling so very alone, and while I know I have many friends who’ve gone through/are going through the same thing as me, it’s hard to keep that in perspective at times. But seeing it on a big screen with a character you’ve come to know and love over the years? Oof. That made a world of difference.

While I know he’s not a real person and that there are actual people I can look towards for comfort, the thought of a guy like Tony Stark dealing with this same ordeal that I’ve suddenly had thrown at me, well, quite honestly, it made me feel stronger.

I mean, if Tony Stark can kick anxiety’s ass, then what’s stopping me?

anxiety taking hold.

6 Jan

Feeling particularly anxious today for some reason, and I’m not really sure why. Well, I mean, I have a couple of ideas.

  • School. My winter term of college starts tomorrow, though I’m not sure that’s what’s causing this sudden anxiety. To be honest, I’ve barely even thought about school and have to keep reminding myself not to forget I have classes to go to tomorrow. There is a possibility that, somewhere deep inside my subconscious, I’m freaking out about how I only have two more terms left to go before I’m a graduate. I’m guessing I’ll be ranting a whole lot more about this topic come the last term of school this March. I don’t know though, right now I’m mainly in the mindset of wanting to be graduated.
  • Art show. I have an art show opening in precisely three weeks and I haven’t done any work on it. Granted, all the pictures are already taken, but I’ve yet to do any work on how I want to arrange/reformat them. This is mainly because I plan on using the computers on campus to format how I’d like to print them, seeing as they all have excellent photoshop and my laptop doesn’t. Plus I plan on printing them through the school, so it can just be charged to my student account.
  • New Zealand. Remember how a few days ago I ranted a bit about my day dream of moving to New Zealand for a year? Yeah. Well. That’s most likely happening now. It’s still really early in the process and things could always change, but I have talked it out with my dad and, well, it’s most likely happening. Kathleen’s coming to New Zealand with me for the first couple months to travel, but then she’s going to head home to the states and I’m going to stay in New Zealand. Maybe try to find an apartment, get a job, write, and continue traveling. While I’m mostly excited (oh who am I kidding, I’M SO FUCKING EXCITED) about this opportunity, I’m anxious about having enough funds by the time we leave and also either finding a job over there or an online writing job. Money’s always been far too stressful for me. Then there’s the fact that I’ve never been in a place by myself before, and once Kathleen leaves, well, it’ll be a first time thing for me. Plus it means having to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas over there, which doesn’t make me anxious so much as it makes me sad. But I still want to do it, nonetheless.
  • Money. Going off of the New Zealand bullet point, I’m worried about surviving on such a tight budget for the next six months. I’m determined to stick to the budget plan I’ve laid out, in order to save enough money for my travels, but it pretty much means only using money to pay for food/rent until I graduate. I’m not saying I can’t go out sometimes with friends, but I am really going to have to watch my spending. Again, money’s always been this big ball of stress for me, so this will probably continue to make me anxious for my last two terms of school.
  • My love life. It’s officially been over a years since I was last kissed and 1.5 years since my last relationship. I know it’s stupid, but I’m kind of riding the “guess-I’m-going-to-be-alone-forever” train and don’t know how to get off of it.
  • Tumblr. I’ve gained, eh, quite a bit of Tumblr popularity recently. This is a good thing. A great thing. It fills my heart with joy. But suddenly people are looking to me for my opinions about things and telling me how much they respect me and they’re drawing fanart about the Hobbit head canons I’ve created, and, I don’t know, it’s stressing me out. I’m not trying to complain, I realize I’m lucky to have this happen, but I’m just not used to this much attention. Ugh. It’s dumb, I know. I’m sure I’ll get used to it.

So, I don’t know, it’s probably all of those things. Or maybe it’s because I had two cups of coffee in the same three hours. Ugh. Who knows.

Going out on a run to get rid of these nerves.