Tag Archives: Battlestar Galactica

The Musings of a Fan Girl: Five Fictional Places I’d Never Want to Live.

29 Apr

Man, I love me some fictional realms. If I had the option of spending the rest of my days kicking it in the Shire, visiting Diagon Alley, traveling to new places in the TARDIS, I’d be one happy duck.

However, as much as I love all my fandoms, I am sane enough to recognize that some of them aren’t exactly ideal locations to ever relocate to (though I am insane enough to say that I would totally live on the Island). So, having put some thought into it, here are five fictional places I would never want to live in/visit/even exist.

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5. Sunnydale. This one almost didn’t make the list, because I am so in love with all the characters on this show and the wonderful storyline Joss Whedon came up with… but here’s my beef: I hate vampires. No, not because of Twilight (though that didn’t help). Vampires have always creeped me out. Something about the idea of someone puncturing me with their teeth in order to suck out my blood… to be quite honest, I just got nauseous writing that sentence. It’s weird because I’m totally fine with all other sorts of violence you see on TV and in movies (wahoo desensitization!), but a person drinking another person’s blood? Ick. No thank you.

This has always been a thing for me, ever since I was a little kid, which is why I’ve always stayed far away from vampire related things. There have been exceptions, of course (ie. Buffy and the UK version of BeinHuman), but only because of the amazing characters and stories being told. Even so, as much as I may love the Buffy-verse and the cast of crazy characters who live there, man, I just would not be cut out to live on top of the Hell Mouth. There are scenes in Buffy where I literally have to look away because of how much all the blood drinking grossed me out. I almost threw up in a scene from Being Human. So no vampires for me, please. Stay out of my life.

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4. The Battlestar Galactica. I should probably amend this to say “any television show and/or movie that takes place on a space ship (except for Doctor Who).” The idea of being on a ship out in space has always freaked me. This probably has something to do with that fact that one of the adults in charge of my elementary school’s After School program, where kids could hang around waiting to get picked up by their parents, thought it was a good idea to show the film Apollo 13 to a group of kids when I was friggen eight years old. I was so deathly afraid of space for years, because I assumed everyone who went up there came pretty damn close to dying.

However, with shows like Firely and films like Star Wars, I guess you could say I’d be a little less reluctant to journey into the final frontier and concur this lifelong fear of space. But not on the Battlestar Galactica. As some of you know, I’m currently going through BSG, and man, those people cannot catch a fucking break. Every episode they’re losing their water or cylons are chasing after them or the people on the ship are rebelling and killing each other, and as much as I’ve come to love this show, fuck, living on a Battlestar seems like the last thing that I would ever want to do.

And knowing my luck I’d probably turn out to be a cylon anyway. (I could’ve been Number Nine!)

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3. Panem. Yeah, this one should be self explanatory. If you have ever said to yourself “Man, I wish I could live in Panem” then go check yourself into an institution ASAP. Panem may be an entire country, but even so, goddamn, there is not a single region there that I’d want to live in. The lower districts are dingy and the higher districts are filled with self indulgent assholes.

Plus, y’know, the whole Hunger Games aspect is really a turn off as well. Yes, as much fun as I’m sure it would be to live in a dystopian future where we cheer on kids killing each other for fame, I think I’ll have to pass.

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2. Jurassic Park. So I love Jurassic Park. I’m pretty sure I’ve established this dozens of times by now, so I’ll just leave it at that. However, as much as I love the story behind this film/book, holy hell, this is something I never want to be a reality. Someone approached me in the last couple months and told me the news about how scientists have realized it’s impossible to clone dinosaur DNA, and my response was a loud: “GOOD.”

The whole purpose of Jurassic Park is that we, as humans, should not play god, because it is guaranteed that life will find a way (and that we’ll fuck everything up). I don’t mind obsessing over a story that presents the notion of how dangerous over idealism is with dinosaurs running around in the background, but the second someone actually goes and creates a dinosaur, goddammit, I guess it’s time to get over my fear of space because I’m gonna have to get off this fucking planet.

1. Westeros.

HAH.

HAHAHAHAH.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

HOW ABOUT NO.

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