Tag Archives: graduate

school’s last first.

2 Apr

Well this is it, folks.

My last first day of school starts in twelve minutes.

It’s an odd feeling, knowing I’ll never return. Knowing graduation is right around the corner. Knowing there’s no denying the fact that I am an adult any longer. What’s more, it’s kind of scary. School is what I’ve come to know over years. Three month learning increments. Spring breaks. Christmas breaks. Summer breaks. Midterms. Finals. Late night cramming. Last minute project work. Doodling during lectures. Commuting to classes. Teachers rambling. All of it gone only two and a half months down the road from this very moment.

I’m not a spontaneous person, so school’s always been perfect for me. I like routine, and school is nothing if not routine. Routine is comfortable; routine is cozy. Routine is safe. It’s frightening that in seventy-four days the routine I’ve come to know will be gone forever. Yes, I have New Zealand to look forward to, and a whole future of doing whatever the hell I want. No more stupid classes that mean diddly-squat for my future. No more trying to memorize pointless facts and figures just to pass a test so my GPA will remain at its pristine 3.5 level. No more having to deal with the stupidity of certain people of my generation in classes. Yet still, it’s hard not to feel scared when you’re approaching the end of something that’s been your life for almost twenty years. I started attending preschool when I was three. I’m twenty-three now. Just thinking about my lifetime accumulating an education and how that’s soon ending makes my stomach churn. I feel as if I’ve learned all there is I need to know at this point, but it’s still frightening; the prospect of letting go.

Oh yes, there might be grad school in the future, but I’ve been a bit skeptical lately that I’ll be attending grad school. I guess it depends a few years down the line, where my writing has taken me and what it is exactly I’ll be doing with my life. Only time will tell on that front.

The point of all this is, despite the senior-itis that is bound to hit in, oh, probably the next day or two, and the joy I take in complaining about how I don’t want to be in Ashland and how I can’t wait to be in a different country, I’m going to try to enjoy these last couple months. I’m going to spend time with my friends that I know I wont see much of once I leave. I’m going to visit all my favorite restaurants and shops as often as I can. I’m going to try (though I doubt I’ll succeed) to not take my education for granted and actually appreciate my classes instead of bitching about them. I’m going to try to enjoy every moment, god willing.

The rest of my life starts in seventy-four days.

I am excited.

I am aghast.

I am terrified.

Let’s begin.

TPhoto_00031

A wanderlust confession.

2 Jan

For the past several weeks I’ve come to the conclusion that, when I graduate college, I want to travel to New Zealand. This is nothing new. I’ve written Facebook statuses and Tumblr entries about this multiple times, even reaching out to a few people to join me in my travels. In the end, I’ve decided that, if/when I go, I’m going to go by myself. I’m in the process of saving up money for my travels right now, and I have a considerable amount stowed away already. My dad would get me the plane ticket there as a graduation gift.

As of late, however, I’ve been consumed with this daydream of packing up and moving to New Zealand for a year. I’ve already got one freelance writing job that pays me on occasion, and I find myself hoping that they’ll start paying me full time again. If this were the case, I’d be making enough money to easily live off of for an entire year. So I could go to New Zealand, write, and travel all around the country. I could rent a cheap apartment to live in, and then on weekends travel around and see the countryside. It’s a small country, after all. Maybe meet a nice Kiwi boy and have a fling at some point. Go skiing, go hiking, meet people, interact with the culture, eat plenty of good food, and learn how to live. It’d be wonderful and beautiful and I would be free.

God, that’s all I want right now. I want out of this town. I want out of this school. I want to write. I want to live. I want to be free.

I’ll Be Home For Christmas.

9 Dec

Recently I’ve been trying hard to be content with the moment; to live in it. We so often get wrapped up in what’s to come that we forget to take a moment to ourselves, which is why I’ve tried so hard to not over anticipate the future, but to, instead, appreciate the present.

That being said, I’m so glad it’s time to head up to Portland for Christmas break.

It’s been a rough couple of months, both emotionally and school-wise, but I have no doubt that this holiday season’s gonna be a good end to a really “meh” year. I’ve already made plans with friends, such as doing the Santa-Con pub crawl for a second time, visiting the new aquarium, seeing The Mountain Goats in concert, going out for drinks, playing Nancy Drew video games, something to do with cheesecake, and going to the midnight premiere of The Hobbit and feeding the flame that is my Bofu obsession with a group of good friends.

Then there will be the time I get to spend with my family. I’ve already made plans to spend an afternoon with my little cousins, who I barely ever get to see, as well as spending Christmas night with the entirety of my mom’s side of the family. Then there will be the much needed time spent with my dad and brother decorating the house. My family’s plum crazy about Christmas, and turning our home into a Winter Wonderland is always a highlight of the holiday season for me. I also made my dad promise we’d go see Les Miserables on Christmas day, so there’s something else to look forward to.

I’m hoping I wont be my usual lazy self when I go up north this year. I’m not planning on a holiday diet or anything, I’m just hoping that I can drag my sorry ass out of bed and go out running a couple mornings each week, as I normally do. Maybe spend a little less time in front of the TV and computer as well. And, okay, maybe try to watch my cookie and fudge intake, as it normally does go up around this time of year.

The holidays are just such a joyous time of the year. Being with friends and family, exchanging gifts, going out and having fun – gah – I love it.

As I sit here, sipping the coffee my boss got me from Morning Glory next door, I can’t help but think how this is my last Christmas break. The last time I’m gonna have to pack a suitcase for two weeks to head back up to Portland. The last time that sense of relief washes over me as finals draw to an end. This time next year I’ll be graduated, most likely jobless, and already living back at home with my dad. Will my family be driving me crazy at that point? Will I spend the holidays next year cooped up in my room on my laptop? Will this month mean the same thing as it always has in the past? This time of year, while certainly about the holidays and spending time with loved ones, has always been sort of break from real life, since it’s when school ends for a short amount of time and I don’t feel bad about shirking my to do list off for a couple weeks. I can’t help but wonder where I’ll be a year from now, and what state of mind I’ll be in. I guess only time will tell.

But for now? For now I’m utterly grateful for this winter season and a chance to head back home. I have only the highest hopes that the next 2.5 weeks will be a joy to behold, and I plan to treasure every moment.

photo(2)