Tag Archives: Jurassic Park

The Musings of a Fan Girl: Five Fictional Places I’d Never Want to Live.

29 Apr

Man, I love me some fictional realms. If I had the option of spending the rest of my days kicking it in the Shire, visiting Diagon Alley, traveling to new places in the TARDIS, I’d be one happy duck.

However, as much as I love all my fandoms, I am sane enough to recognize that some of them aren’t exactly ideal locations to ever relocate to (though I am insane enough to say that I would totally live on the Island). So, having put some thought into it, here are five fictional places I would never want to live in/visit/even exist.

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5. Sunnydale. This one almost didn’t make the list, because I am so in love with all the characters on this show and the wonderful storyline Joss Whedon came up with… but here’s my beef: I hate vampires. No, not because of Twilight (though that didn’t help). Vampires have always creeped me out. Something about the idea of someone puncturing me with their teeth in order to suck out my blood… to be quite honest, I just got nauseous writing that sentence. It’s weird because I’m totally fine with all other sorts of violence you see on TV and in movies (wahoo desensitization!), but a person drinking another person’s blood? Ick. No thank you.

This has always been a thing for me, ever since I was a little kid, which is why I’ve always stayed far away from vampire related things. There have been exceptions, of course (ie. Buffy and the UK version of BeinHuman), but only because of the amazing characters and stories being told. Even so, as much as I may love the Buffy-verse and the cast of crazy characters who live there, man, I just would not be cut out to live on top of the Hell Mouth. There are scenes in Buffy where I literally have to look away because of how much all the blood drinking grossed me out. I almost threw up in a scene from Being Human. So no vampires for me, please. Stay out of my life.

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4. The Battlestar Galactica. I should probably amend this to say “any television show and/or movie that takes place on a space ship (except for Doctor Who).” The idea of being on a ship out in space has always freaked me. This probably has something to do with that fact that one of the adults in charge of my elementary school’s After School program, where kids could hang around waiting to get picked up by their parents, thought it was a good idea to show the film Apollo 13 to a group of kids when I was friggen eight years old. I was so deathly afraid of space for years, because I assumed everyone who went up there came pretty damn close to dying.

However, with shows like Firely and films like Star Wars, I guess you could say I’d be a little less reluctant to journey into the final frontier and concur this lifelong fear of space. But not on the Battlestar Galactica. As some of you know, I’m currently going through BSG, and man, those people cannot catch a fucking break. Every episode they’re losing their water or cylons are chasing after them or the people on the ship are rebelling and killing each other, and as much as I’ve come to love this show, fuck, living on a Battlestar seems like the last thing that I would ever want to do.

And knowing my luck I’d probably turn out to be a cylon anyway. (I could’ve been Number Nine!)

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3. Panem. Yeah, this one should be self explanatory. If you have ever said to yourself “Man, I wish I could live in Panem” then go check yourself into an institution ASAP. Panem may be an entire country, but even so, goddamn, there is not a single region there that I’d want to live in. The lower districts are dingy and the higher districts are filled with self indulgent assholes.

Plus, y’know, the whole Hunger Games aspect is really a turn off as well. Yes, as much fun as I’m sure it would be to live in a dystopian future where we cheer on kids killing each other for fame, I think I’ll have to pass.

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2. Jurassic Park. So I love Jurassic Park. I’m pretty sure I’ve established this dozens of times by now, so I’ll just leave it at that. However, as much as I love the story behind this film/book, holy hell, this is something I never want to be a reality. Someone approached me in the last couple months and told me the news about how scientists have realized it’s impossible to clone dinosaur DNA, and my response was a loud: “GOOD.”

The whole purpose of Jurassic Park is that we, as humans, should not play god, because it is guaranteed that life will find a way (and that we’ll fuck everything up). I don’t mind obsessing over a story that presents the notion of how dangerous over idealism is with dinosaurs running around in the background, but the second someone actually goes and creates a dinosaur, goddammit, I guess it’s time to get over my fear of space because I’m gonna have to get off this fucking planet.

1. Westeros.

HAH.

HAHAHAHAH.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

HOW ABOUT NO.

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An Uneventful Halloween.

31 Oct

I’m sort of disappointed by the lackluster that was Halloween this year.

For starters, my first two classes of the day were canceled. Normally this is much reason for joy and celebration, but I was quite looking forward to showing off my costume to the world. Nevertheless, I dragged my sorry ass back to my house and took a two hour nap. Once I awoke I watched the newest Walking Dead episode (I’m officially all caught up on that show) and then Nightmare Before Christmas.

My third and final class of the day was cut to less than an hour long, so not much happened there. I did get to have dinner with Cat at Casa del Pueblo, which was nice.

And now I’m stuck at work. I’ve watched Fido and am currently watching Dracula: Dead and Loving It (which I realize are pretty shitty Halloween movies, but whatever, they’ve been in my Netflix queue for ages now). Probably will go home and watch Donnie Darko once work is over.

So… yeah… Halloween’s kind of a dud this year. I’m looking forward to next year when I’ll be up in Portland and Halloween won’t be a school night – seeing as there will be no school at that point.

Anyway, here are the two Halloween costumes I put together this year: Walter (the new Muppet) and Ellie Sattler.

Hi-ho, guys! Yaaaaaay!

 

What is this? 1978?

“Mr. Hammond, I think we’re back in business.”

Gettin’ real tired of your shit, Mr. Hammond.

FUCK WAS THAT?

My Jurassic Park Craze.

12 Oct

This just in world: I love Jurassic Park.

If you don’t think Sattler’s the perfect woman then screw you.

Now, I’m sure you probably haven’t picked up on this fact just yet. It’s not like I’ve been flooding my tumblr with Jurassic Park quotes and .gif photosets, spazzing out about it in Facebook statuses, writing up featured articles about Jurassic Park sequels that were never made, and so on and so forth. And I’m most certainly not going to Goodwill tomorrow to compile an Ellie Sattler costume to wear on Halloween. That’d be ridiculous.

But yes, I am in love with a movie I thought I would never even like. I didn’t see Jurassic Park for the first time until a little less than one month ago. Most people watch Jurassic Park when they’re young (like my brother, who bragged about sneaking it at a friend’s house back when we were little kids), but I never hopped on that train. As a kid I took one look at that film and knew, were I to watch it, I’d cry from sheer fear. I may not have been a bright kid, but I knew what was up. Dinosaurs eating people? Not something I wanted to watch. So I avoided the film from a young age, opting for Disney and Don Bluth movies instead. As I grew older I was never presented with an opportunity to watch Jurassic Park, so since it never crossed my path it never crossed my mind either.

Come this last September. I’m at the beach with my father on a three day vacation, and we’re inside a bookstore. I’ve already got the book I want to buy clutched in my hands (Handmaid’s Tale), but I’m browsing around still while my father contemplates what book he wants to buy for himself. As I wander the aisles, my eyes land on a hardbound, shiny cover with a dinosaur on it. I stare at it for a while as a question hangs over my head: Why have I never seen Jurassic Park before?

My dad buys his book (can’t remember what it was) and then offers to buy mine. We walk around Cannon some more and, eventually, head to our beach house. After we get back to the house we walk down the road to a tiny, blue market. In the back of this tiny market is an even tinier room, where the walls are laced with DVDs. It’s not much, as the room is so small, but there are still enough options that my dad and I are left arguing about what to rent for the next fifteen minutes. We finally agree upon The Prestige. Before we go my gaze shift towards the area where the VHS’s are, and my eyes instantly connect with a Jurassic Park VHS. Without thinking I snatch it up and wave it in my dad’s face. “Can I rent this too?” I ask loudly. He thinks this action is strange – but, then again, he thinks pretty much everything I do is strange – and agrees.

We get home and I immediately throw Jurassic Park in the VHS player. I can’t explain this sudden, strong urge that has consumed me. All I know is that I need to watch the film NOW. I don’t even turn it off when my cousin and his three year old son come back from their day at the beach (probably because instead of asking me to turn it off, my cousin encouraged his son to watch the film as well. Good parenting right there). From the start till the end I am hooked. Every line of dialogue, every plot twist, every dinosaur captivates me. My breath even hitches a bit when the T-Rex is seen in full view the first time. It’s extraordinary.

For the next few days I don’t think much on the film. It’s in the back of my mind, but the sudden urge to consume the film has died down. My dad and I head back to Portland, I get a tattoo, and life is grand. After a couple days my dad heads down to Ashland with me to catch some plays before I start up my fifth and final year of college. One day we’re in Bloomsbury Books together and I see a paperback copy of Jurassic Park. I buy it, of course, and from there… well, from there I’m not really sure what the hell happens. I think the Jurassic Park Builder app on my iPhone, which I discovered at breakfast one morning when I was out with my dad, really didn’t help, because I kind of haven’t stopped playing it in the last three weeks. I got the second and third Jurassic Park films from Netflix (confirming that neither are as good as the first), and then I received the first movie from Netflix. I then watched it once for three days in a row, and am currently waiting for the DVD that I ordered from amazon to arrive in the mail.

Needless to say, I’m used to this. Obsessing. I’ve become quite the expert since late elementary school when Harry Potter and fanfiction entered my life. But the question is not why obsess, but simply this: why Jurassic Park?

Here’s what I figure:

  1. I’m making up for missing my dinosaur phase. In my opinion, almost every kid goes through a dinosaur phase (most of them continue to go through it throughout the rest of their lives too). My brother had a dinosaur phase. I remember he had all the toys and books, and just absolutely loved them. Not me though. Oh sure, I played with him and his toys, and I loved the movies We’re Back and Land Before Time, but I never really cared much for them. Probably because they terrified me. So this could easily be me making up for missing out on that as a kid.
  2. The character’s are all fucking great. Except Nedry, but he’s supposed to be a shit, so whatever. I love all the characters though. Grant’s a worthy lead, with his love of dinosaurs and, at same time, apprehension of them. Ellie’s funny and gorgeous, and at the same time a total bad ass. Malcolm’s fun and has so many great one liners. Even Hammond is likable; you can’t help but feel sorry for him come the end of the film. Usually I don’t like it when kids are thrown in to add diversity to a cast, but Lex and Tim not only work well, but add to the story too (unlike the kids in the following two films, who only serve to annoy me). Also, on a side note, I really like the level of romance Jurassic Park takes on in each of its films, wherein that there are romantic relationships, but they never pull focus from the film. In action movies we’re supposed to get the big romantic kiss at the end. It’s what’s expected. In Jurassic Park, it’s well established that Ellie and Grant are a thing, but instead of getting caught up in the moment of their reunion and making out, they’re constantly running and worrying about their lives, like, y’know, real fucking people. Same goes for the less stellar relationships in the following two films. It’s just refreshing to see characters act reasonably in this retrospect.
  3. Well made film; well told story. I’ve yet to start the book yet, but if it’s better than the movie then I know I’m going to fall absolutely in love with it.
  4. It’s fun. Simple as that.

So how long will my Jurassic Park craze last? Who knows, but while it’s alive and kicking I’m gonna make the most of it. I plan on starting the book sometime soon (which I’ve been saying for the last three weeks… dumb school), and I’m going to be watching Jurassic Park with a friend this Sunday (dinosaur party!). So yes. Dinosaurs are awesome. The end.

Now to end this entry properly, I bequeath to you the single funniest moment of Jurassic Park: