Tag Archives: money

anxiety taking hold.

6 Jan

Feeling particularly anxious today for some reason, and I’m not really sure why. Well, I mean, I have a couple of ideas.

  • School. My winter term of college starts tomorrow, though I’m not sure that’s what’s causing this sudden anxiety. To be honest, I’ve barely even thought about school and have to keep reminding myself not to forget I have classes to go to tomorrow. There is a possibility that, somewhere deep inside my subconscious, I’m freaking out about how I only have two more terms left to go before I’m a graduate. I’m guessing I’ll be ranting a whole lot more about this topic come the last term of school this March. I don’t know though, right now I’m mainly in the mindset of wanting to be graduated.
  • Art show. I have an art show opening in precisely three weeks and I haven’t done any work on it. Granted, all the pictures are already taken, but I’ve yet to do any work on how I want to arrange/reformat them. This is mainly because I plan on using the computers on campus to format how I’d like to print them, seeing as they all have excellent photoshop and my laptop doesn’t. Plus I plan on printing them through the school, so it can just be charged to my student account.
  • New Zealand. Remember how a few days ago I ranted a bit about my day dream of moving to New Zealand for a year? Yeah. Well. That’s most likely happening now. It’s still really early in the process and things could always change, but I have talked it out with my dad and, well, it’s most likely happening. Kathleen’s coming to New Zealand with me for the first couple months to travel, but then she’s going to head home to the states and I’m going to stay in New Zealand. Maybe try to find an apartment, get a job, write, and continue traveling. While I’m mostly excited (oh who am I kidding, I’M SO FUCKING EXCITED) about this opportunity, I’m anxious about having enough funds by the time we leave and also either finding a job over there or an online writing job. Money’s always been far too stressful for me. Then there’s the fact that I’ve never been in a place by myself before, and once Kathleen leaves, well, it’ll be a first time thing for me. Plus it means having to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas over there, which doesn’t make me anxious so much as it makes me sad. But I still want to do it, nonetheless.
  • Money. Going off of the New Zealand bullet point, I’m worried about surviving on such a tight budget for the next six months. I’m determined to stick to the budget plan I’ve laid out, in order to save enough money for my travels, but it pretty much means only using money to pay for food/rent until I graduate. I’m not saying I can’t go out sometimes with friends, but I am really going to have to watch my spending. Again, money’s always been this big ball of stress for me, so this will probably continue to make me anxious for my last two terms of school.
  • My love life. It’s officially been over a years since I was last kissed and 1.5 years since my last relationship. I know it’s stupid, but I’m kind of riding the “guess-I’m-going-to-be-alone-forever” train and don’t know how to get off of it.
  • Tumblr. I’ve gained, eh, quite a bit of Tumblr popularity recently. This is a good thing. A great thing. It fills my heart with joy. But suddenly people are looking to me for my opinions about things and telling me how much they respect me and they’re drawing fanart about the Hobbit head canons I’ve created, and, I don’t know, it’s stressing me out. I’m not trying to complain, I realize I’m lucky to have this happen, but I’m just not used to this much attention. Ugh. It’s dumb, I know. I’m sure I’ll get used to it.

So, I don’t know, it’s probably all of those things. Or maybe it’s because I had two cups of coffee in the same three hours. Ugh. Who knows.

Going out on a run to get rid of these nerves.

actually making money.

7 Sep

Earlier this week I submitted my first ever invoice to get paid as a writer. An actual, bonafide writer. I’d never written one before so I did get it in late, so I wont be paid for August until the end of September, which while not ideal is okay because I’ll be getting two paychecks at once. Ka-ching.

All that being said, holy fuck me. I’m getting paid. To write. This is… what is going on with my life? Not only that, but I made more in two weeks writing for this site than I do in two weeks working at the motel, let alone two weeks babysitting. And Bruce mentioned that right now I’m on a starting salary, with the potential of being paid more if I stick with the web-site. That’s… just… fuck.

This means that this year, unlike every other year in college, I can save my money. This means not having to worry about rent each month, living off of top ramen and PB&J sandwiches, begging my dad for financial help, and being able to afford Christmas presents without using every penny in my pocket. This means paying off credit card bills. This means when I graduate college and move away from Ashland and quit my motel job, I’m not totally fucked. This means I’ll still have a job when I get up to Portland. This means while I’m trying to get my personal writing out there (ie. stories, poetry, screenplays, etc.) I’ll still have a form of income.

This means when I go up to Portland later this year I can afford to take my dad out to a nice dinner and pay the bill.

This means things might be all right.

some reasons I am happy.

17 Aug

— I started writing for the web-site Buzz Patrol yesterday. Today I wrote five articles for the site in one sitting, and I am getting paid per article.

— I officially can fit in a pair of size six pants for the first time since, Jesus, I don’t even know when.

— The adorable backpack and shirt I ordered came in the mail.

— I’ve only got ten more episodes until I’m done watching the entirety of The Muppet Show in under two weeks.

— My online Web Development course is complete, at long last!

— Grabbing coffee with Beckah tomorrow morning.

— I’m probably gonna go see Ruby Sparks on Sunday, either by myself or with Martin.

— Tomorrow I’m finally going to be through with my first draft of Obsessed, my screenplay, and then I’ll send it on it’s way to Aileen to be read.

— I’m going to start working on my next Cool Gizmo Toys featured article tonight.

— An associate producer over at the Don Bluth company read my wordpress entry on The Secret of Nimh and liked it.

— I went grocery shopping today and am all set on food until my next paycheck.

— My security deposit check from my last house is on its way in the mail.

— Hamburger for dinner, then a late night run once I get off of work.

College Financial Woes.

3 Jun

Sometimes you just have to suck it up and ask your father for help with rent. It always sucks, especially because I’ve become so used to not having to ask for money (what with my job and financial aid), but sometimes there’s just really no way around it. I have to pay two rents this month, since I’m moving into a new place and all, and I can barely afford one rent as it is. And I need help with utilities… Ugh. I am not looking forward to this phone call.

Also, when does it stop being appropriate to ask your parents for help financially? I figure I’ve got two more years of freebee asks, since I’m sure my dad will help me get on my feet once I graduate, but after that… who knows. I’m sure if I was ever in a tough situation, my dad wouldn’t even hesitate to help me out, but I’m also sure there’s going to come a point sometime in the near future where my dad says “enough” to asking for help outs once every other month.

Ugh. Future. Stop being terrifying.

Also, rent, stop being so damn expensive.


Rich Girl; Poor Girl

12 Apr

Today I admitted to one of my closest friends that I’m in the process of applying for food stamps. My reasoning, I told her, is that I’m so very, very broke at this instant of my life. Her response was simply, “Someone who just went to Italy on vacation shouldn’t complain about how broke they are.”

Woah. Hold up.

Yes, my family did take a fairly expensive vacation to Italy for ten days. But know what? I didn’t pay for that. That wasn’t me. My dad saved up for it over the course of a couple years and that is how we were able to afford this excursion. I live in a single parent household, and my single parent happens to be a stock broker. People don’t seem to realize that working as a stock broker in his economy is not exactly the strongest job opportunity. So he really had to save up for us to take this trip in the first place, for which I immensely appreciate the gift of travel and culture my dad gave me.

Plus, I try really hard not to draw funds from my dad. I’m an adult with a job; I shouldn’t need to. Sure, if I need help covering rent or utilities he’ll help out, but that’s essentially it. The rest I have to depend on myself for, and all I’ve got going for me is (a measly dose of) financial aid and my (part time, minimum wage) job. As you can see, I’m not exactly rolling in the dough.

With that all in consideration, consider the fact that coming back from spring break not only did I spend most of my money in Italy, but I’m not getting a paycheck until next Thursday, financial aid is even less this term, I have three credit cards that have payments coming up for them, and I’m out of groceries. And I would really like to eat, hence the food stamps.

So, yes, I do get to complain about being broke. Any college student gets that right.

Coffee Withdrawls…Got the Better of Me

4 Mar

Five days ago I said I was gonna go the rest of the school term without drinking any coffee in order to save money, lose weight, and be not so dependent on the substance.

Well, for the record, today I caved.

I never realized how much hold coffee had on me. By the third day without coffee (this last Wednesday) I was almost in tears in the library because I felt so fatigued and wanted coffee so badly. Today I had to be at work an hour and a half early, and as I was getting ready to leave I realized how afraid I was that I would fall asleep at work. So I made a pit stop at Starbucks on my way and purchased a white mocha and – oh the humanity! – a doughnut.

It worries me how this it the most normal I’ve felt in the past five days, simply because I drank coffee. Not even the normal amount, I had the (non advertised) short version! Only 8 ounces. And that’s plenty to wake me up. Sheesh.

I guess I should be somewhat proud. I went five whole days without spending a single cent on not just coffee, but anything in particular. Let’s see if I can last longer than a week now without spending money in general, but also without coffee.

And doughnuts.

Oh god do I love doughnuts.

My secret for weight loss.

1 Mar

Know what is a really great trick when it comes to losing weight?

No, I’m not talking about exercise or eating healthy; although, yes, those are both very key in weight loss. I bike twice a day, I go to the gym three or four times a week, and I try to do a brisk workout routine in my bedroom on my off-gym days. I can’t say I’m the best at watching what I eat on a regular basis though, but this week I know I’ve been doing a pretty good job and it’s all because of my weight loss secret.

I’ve been leaving my wallet at home.

I’m definitely trigger happy when it comes to spending money. If I’m even the slightest bit hungry or, hell, if I’m just walking by some delicious looking food, chances are I will purchase it. So what I’ve been doing is eating lunch before I leave the house, and then packing myself dinner for work. I also bring along a water bottle with me, since drinking water is a great way to quell hunger. This means I have absolutely no excuse for bringing money with me to school, which results in me being able to fight my temptations for sweets/coffee a hundred percent times more. It’s not easy. I learned today that apparently I am quite the coffee addict, as this is my third day without it and it’s starting to drive me plum crazy. But this is good. This is what I need. I’m eating three square meals a day, and when I snack it’s only because I packed myself a healthy yogurt or granola bar to eat during class. I’m in total control of my eating habits, and I can already feel my diet for this week effecting my body.

It’s really tough, but I’m determined to drop five or six pounds by spring break. Hopefully this is just one more step in the right direction!

(I also realize I’m probably going to gain all that weight back once I get to Italy. I think I’m going to try to run in the mornings once we’re in Italy. Maybe. I dunno. We’ll see. Goddamn I’m going to eat so much pizza in Italy and it will be amaaaaazing.)