Tag Archives: sex

Dear Best Buy :: Fuck You

30 May

Last night I dreamt of you. Your tallness proceeds you, even in my dreams. So do your eyes. We were on a train filled with other girls my age; you were the only male. I’m sure that says something about my low self esteem when comparing myself to other females, or some dream psychology mumbo jumbo like that. Anyway. I was on my way to do some important job related thing (the job, however, escapes me now), and you were accompanying me as a mentor of sorts. The stress of the trip was really beginning to get to me and I complained to you about a nagging headache. So you placed your long, spider-like fingers on my scalp and began to massage the precise area causing me grief. The feeling was orgasmic, and I turned to face you, your fingers now tangled up in my hair.  There was a moment where our eyes met, then suddenly it was our stop and we had to get off the train (but not before I threw a smug smile at the girls who were glaring enviously at me, ie. all of them). We walked through some undetermined city together, side by side, and off in the distance I saw The Avengers showing Spider-Man the ropes of working as a team. I asked you if you thought Emma Stone was nearby. You didn’t know who Emma Stone was. We kept walking. Eventually, we stopped to eat our lunch. You perched yourself on the ledge of a planter holding a tree in front of some fancy looking office building, and I stood facing you. We ate noodles out of yellow Tupperware; it looked as if it might have been Pad Thai. As we ate we made faces at each other, our mouths stuffed with food, and it was really unbecoming of the both of us. I had just shoved another forkful of noodles into my mouth when suddenly – without any warning – you vocalized how beautiful I was to you. I was speechless, and so you leaned in to gently kiss me. And what a kiss. After this, we parted ways. I’m not really sure what happened in between our separation (I probably went on to whatever the job related thing was), but later in the dream you sent me a note asking me to come visit you in your flat. I was flustered, and I hurried over right away. I remember quivering with anticipation as I knocked on your door. My eyes gazed on the address: 221b Baker Street. You opened it, smiled, and welcomed me in. You closed the door behind me, opened your mouth, and said –

And then Best Buy woke me up to let me know that it is going to cost $700 to fix my laptop. They waited for that exact moment to call me. They dream cockblocked me.

Best Buy is the reason I will probably never, in my life, get to have dream sex with Benedict Cumberbatch.

Fuck you, Best Buy.

Spring Awakening :: How a Musical Changed a Sixteen Year Old’s Life

27 May

Earlier this month, about two weeks ago, I saw a community theatre production of Spring Awakening up in Portland. It was very good for community theatre. The actors were great, the singing was phenomenal, and all the costumes, set, and lighting were superb (not the mention the kid playing Hanschen was sexy as all get out). I had seen Spring Awakening three years prior when it toured nationally, and I had forgotten since then just how enamored I was with the musical.

Spring Awakening is a musical about teenagers awakening to their sexual desires in 1892 Germany. The musical, written by Steven Sater and Duncan Sheik, is based on the play of the same name, written by Frank Wedekind. It was a very taboo subject for Wedekind to be writing about in 1906, since the play involves such themes as: abortion, rape, homosexuality, incest, suicide, child abuse, and intercourse amongst teenagers. The musical kept the same themes in it, but updated the dialogue to sound more modern and weaved in a gorgeous pop-rock score.

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The V Word

1 May

[[Warning: this entry does contain a fair amount of profanity and discussion on sex. If you are not a fan of either of those things, I suggest you exit out of this entry now.]]

At the start of the school year I had the great opportunity of directing The Vagina Monologues. It was a life changing experience for me as a Theatre major, but also when coming to terms with my sexuality. Growing up, my family never discussed sex. Maybe because my mother died when I was only thirteen and my father felt awkward discussing the topic with me, or maybe he assumed I had already had the chat with my mother. Fact of the matter is: I was never given the dreaded “talk”. Now, as a twenty-one year old, I think I grew up with a pretty healthy view point on sex. The subject certainly scared me all throughout high school and, okay, maybe at the beginning of my college career as well. But I feel like now my view point is much more rounded, which is a good thing.

But this year has helped round it even more so. Not only did I direct The Vagina Monologues a couple of months ago, I am also currently taking a Human Sexuality course. I really do believe the class, in and of itself, has been eye-opening on many levels.

For Vagina Monologues my co-director and I both wrote our own monologues, which we performed at the open mic night promoting the Monologues a week before our show opened. It was the first time I ever got to stand up in front of an audience and talk about my experience with sex. It was nerve wracking. I was terrified. But by the end I was met with cheers and loud applause, and hugs from friends and people I didn’t even know. It was a truly rewarding experience that I cherish fondly.

That being said, I have since reverted back to my awkward sex wherein I haven’t shared my monologue with anyone. It’s nothing to be ashamed up, but there’s a part of me that feels like I may be met with judgment from people if I were to share. I know this is not true. So that’s why I’m sharing it today.

It is under the “Read More” link below this, so if you are interested feel free to read. I have also attached a link to a video of me performing it. The video is semi-private, so only those who have the link are able to view it.

Please keep in mind that sharing it with you, WordPress, makes me feel quite vulnerable. But I want to. I need to. So I’m going to.


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Interesting Observation

18 Apr

Today I uploaded a video of myself performing the vagina monologue I wrote. While I first drafted it up back in January, I rerecorded myself performing it this morning, seeing as the original video of my performance has terrible audio and it’s very dark and, well, it’s just all around no watchable.

So I uploaded the video to my youtube page, but I put it under semi-private so the only people who can watch it are the people I give the url to. It’s a somewhat personal monologue delving into the details of my sex life (or lack there of). It’s not necessarily something I’m ready for the whole world to see, so keeping it on the down low seems like the better deal. There were a few people who had expressed interest in watching it, so I sent out a facebook message to those people with the link to my monologue. I then went about my day. Cut to eleven hours later, ie. right now.

I sent the video out to thirteen people. Nine girls. Four guys.

I got five responses.

Only one girl responded.

Every single guy responded.

Well, that’s not true. I got two other responses from girls. One was simply “I liked it” and the other was “yay!” and that was it. Those were the first two bits of feedback I received this morning and all I could think was, “…Dear god. I just bared a really private part of myself to my friends and these are the responses I’m getting?” I mean, the “Yay!” was a response from one of my best friends ever. What did that leave me?

But the four guys I sent it to? You might be thinking “Oh, of course they responded, you were talking for an extended length of time about your vagina”, but that wasn’t it. That wasn’t it at all. Each of these guys got back to me, and then each told me that they liked it and (better yet) why they liked it. I was genuinely shocked. I didn’t know if the subject I spoke about was one males could exactly relate to, and I thought it would end up being far too personal for any of their likings. Yet still, three of the guys personally IMed me and had conversations with me about the piece, and the fourth one wrote me up a long response in a message.

What’s really funny? One guy I haven’t seen in almost four years. The other three I’ve never actually met in person.

That’s right. They’re internet friends.

And the only girl who gave me an actual response? Also an internet friend.

So what does this mean? I’m really not sure. I doubt that this means I’m closer with my online pals than with my in person friends… but still, I can’t ignore the fact that I sent my video to some of my best, closest gal pals and none of them gave me a response (or at least any real response). The guys all gave me lovely words about my work, expressing how impressed they were with me. And  maybe I just happened to choose a really good group of guys to send it to. All four are intelligent, articulate, and sensitive…

But still. I’m confused as hell as to only one girl responded.

Weird, weird, weird.