Tag Archives: The Vagina Monologues

The V Word

1 May

[[Warning: this entry does contain a fair amount of profanity and discussion on sex. If you are not a fan of either of those things, I suggest you exit out of this entry now.]]

At the start of the school year I had the great opportunity of directing The Vagina Monologues. It was a life changing experience for me as a Theatre major, but also when coming to terms with my sexuality. Growing up, my family never discussed sex. Maybe because my mother died when I was only thirteen and my father felt awkward discussing the topic with me, or maybe he assumed I had already had the chat with my mother. Fact of the matter is: I was never given the dreaded “talk”. Now, as a twenty-one year old, I think I grew up with a pretty healthy view point on sex. The subject certainly scared me all throughout high school and, okay, maybe at the beginning of my college career as well. But I feel like now my view point is much more rounded, which is a good thing.

But this year has helped round it even more so. Not only did I direct The Vagina Monologues a couple of months ago, I am also currently taking a Human Sexuality course. I really do believe the class, in and of itself, has been eye-opening on many levels.

For Vagina Monologues my co-director and I both wrote our own monologues, which we performed at the open mic night promoting the Monologues a week before our show opened. It was the first time I ever got to stand up in front of an audience and talk about my experience with sex. It was nerve wracking. I was terrified. But by the end I was met with cheers and loud applause, and hugs from friends and people I didn’t even know. It was a truly rewarding experience that I cherish fondly.

That being said, I have since reverted back to my awkward sex wherein I haven’t shared my monologue with anyone. It’s nothing to be ashamed up, but there’s a part of me that feels like I may be met with judgment from people if I were to share. I know this is not true. So that’s why I’m sharing it today.

It is under the “Read More” link below this, so if you are interested feel free to read. I have also attached a link to a video of me performing it. The video is semi-private, so only those who have the link are able to view it.

Please keep in mind that sharing it with you, WordPress, makes me feel quite vulnerable. But I want to. I need to. So I’m going to.

Enjoy.

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Interesting Observation

18 Apr

Today I uploaded a video of myself performing the vagina monologue I wrote. While I first drafted it up back in January, I rerecorded myself performing it this morning, seeing as the original video of my performance has terrible audio and it’s very dark and, well, it’s just all around no watchable.

So I uploaded the video to my youtube page, but I put it under semi-private so the only people who can watch it are the people I give the url to. It’s a somewhat personal monologue delving into the details of my sex life (or lack there of). It’s not necessarily something I’m ready for the whole world to see, so keeping it on the down low seems like the better deal. There were a few people who had expressed interest in watching it, so I sent out a facebook message to those people with the link to my monologue. I then went about my day. Cut to eleven hours later, ie. right now.

I sent the video out to thirteen people. Nine girls. Four guys.

I got five responses.

Only one girl responded.

Every single guy responded.

Well, that’s not true. I got two other responses from girls. One was simply “I liked it” and the other was “yay!” and that was it. Those were the first two bits of feedback I received this morning and all I could think was, “…Dear god. I just bared a really private part of myself to my friends and these are the responses I’m getting?” I mean, the “Yay!” was a response from one of my best friends ever. What did that leave me?

But the four guys I sent it to? You might be thinking “Oh, of course they responded, you were talking for an extended length of time about your vagina”, but that wasn’t it. That wasn’t it at all. Each of these guys got back to me, and then each told me that they liked it and (better yet) why they liked it. I was genuinely shocked. I didn’t know if the subject I spoke about was one males could exactly relate to, and I thought it would end up being far too personal for any of their likings. Yet still, three of the guys personally IMed me and had conversations with me about the piece, and the fourth one wrote me up a long response in a message.

What’s really funny? One guy I haven’t seen in almost four years. The other three I’ve never actually met in person.

That’s right. They’re internet friends.

And the only girl who gave me an actual response? Also an internet friend.

So what does this mean? I’m really not sure. I doubt that this means I’m closer with my online pals than with my in person friends… but still, I can’t ignore the fact that I sent my video to some of my best, closest gal pals and none of them gave me a response (or at least any real response). The guys all gave me lovely words about my work, expressing how impressed they were with me. And  maybe I just happened to choose a really good group of guys to send it to. All four are intelligent, articulate, and sensitive…

But still. I’m confused as hell as to only one girl responded.

Weird, weird, weird.

“Carrying on, I tell you. Carrying on.”

10 Feb

I spent the majority of today wanting to burst out crying from sheer stress of homework and pure angst over how I’m going to handle my finances for the next month and a half. It was not a good start to my day.

But Vagina Monologues tonight was wonderfully hilarious and deeply moving and just so poignantly beautiful that all the stress quickly slipped away. Gina and I are so proud of our girls and how far they’ve come.  There were a few slip ups (and one of our light trees became unplugged in the third to last monologue), but it was amazing nonetheless. I am so looking forward to watching it two more times and then getting unwind with the cast/crew at the cast party Saturday night. What a lovely experience it’s been.

Also, in the car ride home, the topic of housing for next year came up. I grew tense instantly. For some reason I had convinced myself that my roommate was going to give me some negative response, but instead he offered that we move closer to campus. I am beyond relieved.

So, what started out as an utterly stressful day has turned into a wonderful one. This should always happen with bad days.

Also, in Intro to Lit Theory, I got to draw a picture of myself riding Moby Dick as an assignment. Win.

Sometimes I Forget the Power of Words.

25 Jan

Last night I performed the vagina monologue I wrote for the first time in front of someone. Not just someone; my co-director of Vagina Monologues. I’m glad that I got the chance to do it for her before performing it this Friday, since we’ve been going through this experience together and I felt most secure delivering it in front of her.

Anyway, when I had completed reciting it she instantly embraced me, and it wasn’t until she let go that I realized she was crying.

This is why I love slam poetry and spoken word. You get this chance to express yourself in this beautiful, poignant way. I know that I am terrible when put on the spot when it comes to specific, personal events in my life. But give me a chance to write a poem about it? No problem. Words are just so powerful. They have this ability to move others emotionally, to touch at that place inside of you that only certain things can. When I deliver a poem to a receptive audience, man, there is no greater feeling in the world.

I guess that’s really all I have to say for today. Normally I’ve got some commentary on something that happens in my day but, meh, today’s been a rather slow/dull day. I will be performing my vagina monologue this Friday and it will be recorded, so I figured this weekend I would upload both the text of my piece and the video to go along with it.

That’s all for now! Ciao!