I’ll Be Home For Christmas.

Recently I’ve been trying hard to be content with the moment; to live in it. We so often get wrapped up in what’s to come that we forget to take a moment to ourselves, which is why I’ve tried so hard to not over anticipate the future, but to, instead, appreciate the present.

That being said, I’m so glad it’s time to head up to Portland for Christmas break.

It’s been a rough couple of months, both emotionally and school-wise, but I have no doubt that this holiday season’s gonna be a good end to a really “meh” year. I’ve already made plans with friends, such as doing the Santa-Con pub crawl for a second time, visiting the new aquarium, seeing The Mountain Goats in concert, going out for drinks, playing Nancy Drew video games, something to do with cheesecake, and going to the midnight premiere of The Hobbit and feeding the flame that is my Bofu obsession with a group of good friends.

Then there will be the time I get to spend with my family. I’ve already made plans to spend an afternoon with my little cousins, who I barely ever get to see, as well as spending Christmas night with the entirety of my mom’s side of the family. Then there will be the much needed time spent with my dad and brother decorating the house. My family’s plum crazy about Christmas, and turning our home into a Winter Wonderland is always a highlight of the holiday season for me. I also made my dad promise we’d go see Les Miserables on Christmas day, so there’s something else to look forward to.

I’m hoping I wont be my usual lazy self when I go up north this year. I’m not planning on a holiday diet or anything, I’m just hoping that I can drag my sorry ass out of bed and go out running a couple mornings each week, as I normally do. Maybe spend a little less time in front of the TV and computer as well. And, okay, maybe try to watch my cookie and fudge intake, as it normally does go up around this time of year.

The holidays are just such a joyous time of the year. Being with friends and family, exchanging gifts, going out and having fun – gah – I love it.

As I sit here, sipping the coffee my boss got me from Morning Glory next door, I can’t help but think how this is my last Christmas break. The last time I’m gonna have to pack a suitcase for two weeks to head back up to Portland. The last time that sense of relief washes over me as finals draw to an end. This time next year I’ll be graduated, most likely jobless, and already living back at home with my dad. Will my family be driving me crazy at that point? Will I spend the holidays next year cooped up in my room on my laptop? Will this month mean the same thing as it always has in the past? This time of year, while certainly about the holidays and spending time with loved ones, has always been sort of break from real life, since it’s when school ends for a short amount of time and I don’t feel bad about shirking my to do list off for a couple weeks. I can’t help but wonder where I’ll be a year from now, and what state of mind I’ll be in. I guess only time will tell.

But for now? For now I’m utterly grateful for this winter season and a chance to head back home. I have only the highest hopes that the next 2.5 weeks will be a joy to behold, and I plan to treasure every moment.

surrogate siblings.

It’s silly to get so overtly excited about someone telling me that I’m like a little sister to him. It really is, but at the same time it’s something I’ve always longed to hear. I love the idea of two people feeling as though they are related; that they feel comfortable enough to adopt the roles a normal pair of relatives would take on. I find it positively charming.

I’m glad I finally have an older brother-type figure in my life. I think I could use one.

College Financial Woes.

Sometimes you just have to suck it up and ask your father for help with rent. It always sucks, especially because I’ve become so used to not having to ask for money (what with my job and financial aid), but sometimes there’s just really no way around it. I have to pay two rents this month, since I’m moving into a new place and all, and I can barely afford one rent as it is. And I need help with utilities… Ugh. I am not looking forward to this phone call.

Also, when does it stop being appropriate to ask your parents for help financially? I figure I’ve got two more years of freebee asks, since I’m sure my dad will help me get on my feet once I graduate, but after that… who knows. I’m sure if I was ever in a tough situation, my dad wouldn’t even hesitate to help me out, but I’m also sure there’s going to come a point sometime in the near future where my dad says “enough” to asking for help outs once every other month.

Ugh. Future. Stop being terrifying.

Also, rent, stop being so damn expensive.

 

regrets of the day

i regret not telling you “i love you” more than i could have

i regret not speaking to you as we walked for two whole minutes in absolute silence

i regret buying that quesadilla

i regret not raising my hand fast enough

i regret not leaving that lecture sooner

i regret not iming you more often

i regret making you the first to share in my secret

i regret not leaving the house five minutes earlier

 

They say “forget regret”, but sometimes I find that an impossible task to accomplish.

~*~*~~

Happy 59th birthday, Mom. I have no clue what lies in the great blue yonder, but whatever it is I thoroughly hope it involves you enjoying birthday drinks with Frank Sinatra, Gilda Radner, and Jimmy Stewart.

I’ve Never Wanted To Know My Grandfather

Not until today.